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Shiva During COVID: Loss and Opportunity

Eliza Feller • February 12, 2021

Why Have a Zoom Shiva or a Virtual Memorial Gathering?

COVID has clearly affected our ability to gather together in traditional ways to mourn and our community has risen to meet that challenge in amazing ways through the use of online tools. Families certainly appreciate the ability to have a service in our Outdoor Chapel where the service can be live streamed, allowing extended family, friends, coworkers, neighbors, and others to hear about and honor a person’s life. Yet one of the places families seem to hesitate to embrace the virtual world is for shiva or an online gathering after the funeral. 


We have heard from families - and learned through our own experiences with the death of a loved one during this time - that having a virtual shiva gathering is meaningful in many ways. Shiva is an important part of the healing process not just for the immediate family but for all those whose lives were touched by an individual. We strongly encourage families to consider setting aside even just 30 minutes to an hour, following the funeral, to have people gather on Zoom. 


Why it is important

Families have lost the less formal opportunities to interact with people, since we don’t currently have receiving lines before funerals or casual interactions at shiva houses. A virtual shiva gathering after the funeral takes place provides the opportunity to hear what someone meant to other people in that person’s life. It’s a good time to hear from extended family, friends, former neighbors, coworkers, and others. 


For people who can’t attend a funeral service, it is a meaningful chance for them to participate in honoring someone’s memory. This is especially important for people who would otherwise be at a service but are unable to travel. They often feel they are completely missing out on the opportunity a funeral provides in marking the death of someone they cherish.


Who should take care of this

Just as with setting up a shiva house, it is important that the family have somebody else such as a close friend or extended family take over this task so the burden doesn’t fall on an immediate mourner, if at all possible.


How Levinson’s helps


  • Once a family designates someone to coordinate and moderate the event, we send that person access information via shiva.com so they can create as many shiva gatherings as they need, using shiva.com’s professional Zoom account. That way the family is not bound by the standard time limit of 40 minutes. 
  • We place the information and links to virtual shiva on the person’s individual web page, if the family would like.
  • We provide every family with links to the online house of mourning prayer books provided by the Reform and Conservative movements, if they would like to lead their own service. The clergy we work with also has access to those sites if they are leading the service.



Virtual gatherings will always be a poor substitute for in-person experiences where we can grieve together. However, at this time they are vital to the emotional well-being of all the people impacted by someone’s death. 


Please
see our post on how to create meaningful spaces to view a virtual funeral, and participate in a virtual shiva service or informal gathering.

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